All I can do is wait.
I've got some of the best working for me. My own security teams include a unit of some of the most professional people-locators in New Eden.
But they're not good enough, so I've gone to the best. Never thought I'd be setting one of the most infamous bounty hunters in New Eden after my own wife, but there we go.
In theory, all I have to do now is wait. All I can do is wait, and keep myself distracted.
By accepting, on a whim, a commission to create a piece of jewellery for the mother of a capsuleer I barely know. By buying a VIP ticket to Kedio versus the Blue Tiger. by doing Tastoitsu routines until my arms feel like they're about to fall off. By tying to make it to every roam and op Khali has planned, if I can manage it.
it's a distraction. It's meant to stop me from feeling lonely and worried. I wasn't expecting to actually enjoy it.
Save. End.
Tuesday 20 December 2011
Monday 19 December 2011
Journal: YC113.12.19
Nicole isn't on Saisio.
Neither is her father.
In fact, neither is their house.
Just bare stone foundations where a five-hundred-year-old Achuran mansion of traditional construction used to stand.
And their mailbox. Left open so I could see the letter inside.
Just an envelope addressed to "Rakkai". The rain had got in and smeared the ink a little.
And inside that... her ring.
What kills me is that I don't even know if that's how she'd do it or not. If that's the way a marriage by appointment would end. With no explanation, no argument, no turmoil... just a single, sad, wet, written word read by moonlight and sealed with a lipstick kiss.
No. I don't believe it.
What kills me is that I don't even know if that's how she'd do it or not. If that's the way a marriage by appointment would end. With no explanation, no argument, no turmoil... just a single, sad, wet, written word read by moonlight and sealed with a lipstick kiss.
No. I don't believe it.
Save. End.
Sunday 11 December 2011
Fluid Router Comms log, YC113.12.12
Private conversation: Channel ID: -26874455
Originator: Verin Hakatain
via: RTIS Spooky Action, reg. HDHL-337X-A
via: RTIS Spooky Action, reg. HDHL-337X-A
Recipient: Ciarente Roth
via: Re-Awakened Technologies HQ, Gulfonodi System.
via: Re-Awakened Technologies HQ, Gulfonodi System.
Carrier wave analysis – secure, clean.
Begin archive.
[00:01:26] V. Hakatain > Nicole's comm is turned off again
[00:01:37] C. Roth > Oh.
[00:01:40] V. Hakatain > Yeah. Oh.
[00:01:55] C. Roth > Perhaps she's working and doesn't want to be disturbed?
[00:01:59] V. Hakatain > perhaps. Perhaps she's been working and didn't want to be disturbed for the past fortnight.
[00:03:06] V. Hakatain > ugh. Sorry. I didn't mean to get nasty on you. It's just... she's dropped out of contact before, like this.
[00:03:39] C. Roth > No, I understand. And last time there was something wrong, so ...
[00:04:06] V. Hakatain > The last time it happened, I found her amnesiac and half-starved in a Sisters hospital. I mean... we have a marriage that I find difficult at the best of times. We're both working pod pilots. There's not a lot of.... time to be us together.
[00:07:21] C. Roth > I know how that goes.
[00:07:30] V. Hakatain > Hah. In fact, I'm quite sure I've had something like "Date with Nicole at the Blue Garden, Tuesday 8pm. buy flowers" in my schedule on multiple occasions. What kind of a marriage is that? One where you treat your rakkai as an... appointment? I know I don't think of her that way, but that's how it is.
[00:16:31] C. Roth > Yes. It's a bit like that for me and Charlie these days too. Maybe it's how it is, for pilots
[00:18:18] V. Hakatain > Maybe. That's... honestly a slightly depressing thought.
*Conversation suspended: duration 34.5 minutes. See relevant incident report file.*
[00:52:52] V. Hakatain > I try not to worry. Hard not to in this situation though.
[00:53:13] C. Roth > Have you tried writing to her?
[00:53:20] V. Hakatain > Yep.
[00:55:26] C. Roth > No answer?
[00:56:25] V. Hakatain > They all come back with "could not reach recipient" stamped on them
[00:57:12] C. Roth > But you know where she is?
[00:57:19] V. Hakatain > In theory, yes.
[00:57:35] C. Roth > Is there someone there you can ask if she's okay?
[00:57:45] V. Hakatain > Also in theory, yes. She's on Saisio III, the Achura homeworld and in theory I should be able to call her father.
[00:58:54] C. Roth > Well, you could at least check she's okay? I mean, even if she doesn't want to talk to you?
[00:59:14] V. Hakatain > he seems to have taken a long vacation
[01:00:06] C. Roth > Oh.
[01:00:08] V. Hakatain > ...I should head out there in person. If there's one thing that can't happen it's that I'll be prevented from physically setting foot on that planet... or rather, if I am then the only person with both the power and a possible motive to stop me would be Nicole. No. I'm inventing scenarios and that's not good for my head.
[01:02:31] C. Roth > I'm sure there's a perfectly innocent explanation
[01:02:47] V. Hakatain > Hrrm. I'd like to believe that. But she's a capsuleer, a member of this corporation, my wife and under even more robust protection procedures than you and your kids are. I have to face it, the most likely scenario is that she doesn't want to talk to me right now
[01:06:43] C. Roth > She may just need some time.
[01:07:16] V. Hakatain > Spast I hope so. I just wish I knew why.
[01:09:19] C. Roth > Well, I wish I knew why Charlie seems to want to spend time at work more than he wants to spend time with me, but sometimes one has to let people do what they feel they need to do.
[01:10:07] V. Hakatain > we're a pair of joyful sunbeams tonight, aren't we suuli?
[01:10:40] C. Roth > Ah well, we foiled a would be gank.
[01:10:49] V. Hakatain > but you're right. If they need to get their head sorted out, about the only thing you can do is wait for them to do it
[01:10:59] V. Hakatain > kigurosaka. flow with the river... Thanks suuli.
[01:12:56] C. Roth > I'm sure it will work out, Verin..
[01:13:06] V. Hakatain > That's the thing about life - it always does. But not every resolution is a happy one.
End Archive.
Encrypted.
Saved to secure storage.
End File.
Sunday 4 December 2011
Journal: 113.12.4
Sinikka's finally off to nullsec. My Shenane, the big bad alliance combat pilot.
Meera has been especially unbearable. She feels abandoned, I think. Never mind that as infomorphs both Sinikka and I can be home in minutes if we're needed. Her brother and sister are off in far-flung, foreign corners of New Eden doing capsuleer things and not being her family.
A large part of me is finding her very annoying indeed right now... but another part of me knows now exactly where she's coming from. Now I feel like I've been left behind, and I don't much like it.
So I wrote a prayer today. I don't do that often, it's important to only pray when it really matters.
Spirits of creation, ancestors of my lineage, I am far from home.
I am far from my people and my family, and they are far from me.
Grant me the perspective to see how close my loved ones are,
even when they are far away.
Please give me the patience to savor the anticipation of our reunion,
and the wisdom to not forget those who are close at hand.
And bless those I miss,
with the same qualities that I pray for myself.
Inoruko.
Save. End.
Meera has been especially unbearable. She feels abandoned, I think. Never mind that as infomorphs both Sinikka and I can be home in minutes if we're needed. Her brother and sister are off in far-flung, foreign corners of New Eden doing capsuleer things and not being her family.
A large part of me is finding her very annoying indeed right now... but another part of me knows now exactly where she's coming from. Now I feel like I've been left behind, and I don't much like it.
So I wrote a prayer today. I don't do that often, it's important to only pray when it really matters.
Spirits of creation, ancestors of my lineage, I am far from home.
I am far from my people and my family, and they are far from me.
Grant me the perspective to see how close my loved ones are,
even when they are far away.
Please give me the patience to savor the anticipation of our reunion,
and the wisdom to not forget those who are close at hand.
And bless those I miss,
with the same qualities that I pray for myself.
Inoruko.
Save. End.
Wednesday 23 November 2011
Journal: 113.11.23
So apparently getting drunk on Kimotoro Gold whiskey makes me... write poetry?
I've certainly never felt inclined to do something like that before...
Weird.
Save. End.
I've certainly never felt inclined to do something like that before...
Weird.
Save. End.
Tuesday 22 November 2011
Journal: 113.11.22
What fire I had is faded glow
my ashes are a dusted white
the furnace I was, long ago
is now a snow-draped forge's light.
Yet fire, it seems, dies slow and still
A frugal fuel will serve it well.
Fire fades, but does not die until
There are no stories left to tell.
Fire is not dead while it still burns.
Fire sleeps to dream of when it roared.
With morning fuel, the fire returns
with joy to fashioning the sword.
What fire I had is faded glow
But still I stand against the cold
For fire is wise and does not know
what separates the young, and old.
my ashes are a dusted white
the furnace I was, long ago
is now a snow-draped forge's light.
Yet fire, it seems, dies slow and still
A frugal fuel will serve it well.
Fire fades, but does not die until
There are no stories left to tell.
Fire is not dead while it still burns.
Fire sleeps to dream of when it roared.
With morning fuel, the fire returns
with joy to fashioning the sword.
What fire I had is faded glow
But still I stand against the cold
For fire is wise and does not know
what separates the young, and old.
Friday 4 November 2011
Journal: YC113.11.04
Stop second-guessing yourself, Verin, you know it just makes you melancholy...
Save. End.
Save. End.
Sunday 30 October 2011
Journal: 113.10.30
Eighty million ISK-worth of muscle boosting, metal bone lacing, quickdraw cyberware and all-round enhancements calculated to turn that clone into a superhuman combat machine, and the paskiainen still gave me quite the fight.
Good to see there's somebody in space who can actually back up their attitude when the chips are down. Even if he is a total kusipaa.
Even if my ego is a little bruised that I didn't beat him flat in the first five seconds. Reckon I'd have been taken to the cleaners without the combat clone. I have plenty left to learn, it seems.
Save. End.
ADDENDUM
Of course, there's some people you can't beat sense into even if you smack them around every half hour for a month...
Save. End.
Good to see there's somebody in space who can actually back up their attitude when the chips are down. Even if he is a total kusipaa.
Even if my ego is a little bruised that I didn't beat him flat in the first five seconds. Reckon I'd have been taken to the cleaners without the combat clone. I have plenty left to learn, it seems.
Save. End.
ADDENDUM
Of course, there's some people you can't beat sense into even if you smack them around every half hour for a month...
Save. End.
Friday 28 October 2011
Journal: 113.10.28
Verin Hakatain.
Just Hakatain. Nearly three years on, and skipping the "Tarn" still feels wrong. Of course, I spent more than fourty years using that name, and only the last two years and ten months without it.
Re-reading the IGS discussion that announcing the disowning provoked, it's hard to reconcile the duty-bound, tradition-bound, hide-bound man who took that ritual to today's Verin Hakatain, or today's Sinikka Hakatain. I can look back on it and see how... narrow and stiff my thinking was at the time. I carried out the ritual because it was expected. Because tradition demanded it. There was none of the same... I suppose intellectualism. Nowadays when I make a decision, I think about it. I think about my thoughts. Metacognition is a relatively new part of the way I think, but possibly the most profound and important. I no longer just act, then explore my motives afterwards.
The universe has taught me that lesson, at least.
Would I still have taken that ritual, today? Just... cast away a relative, a part of my name, and much of my soul on a point of honour? Even after a deep exploration of my motives for doing so, would I really be able to let one set of emotions override another?
I think I would.
I think that for all that I've changed... I've also stayed the same. I come to the same places by different roads.
Save. End.
Just Hakatain. Nearly three years on, and skipping the "Tarn" still feels wrong. Of course, I spent more than fourty years using that name, and only the last two years and ten months without it.
Re-reading the IGS discussion that announcing the disowning provoked, it's hard to reconcile the duty-bound, tradition-bound, hide-bound man who took that ritual to today's Verin Hakatain, or today's Sinikka Hakatain. I can look back on it and see how... narrow and stiff my thinking was at the time. I carried out the ritual because it was expected. Because tradition demanded it. There was none of the same... I suppose intellectualism. Nowadays when I make a decision, I think about it. I think about my thoughts. Metacognition is a relatively new part of the way I think, but possibly the most profound and important. I no longer just act, then explore my motives afterwards.
The universe has taught me that lesson, at least.
Would I still have taken that ritual, today? Just... cast away a relative, a part of my name, and much of my soul on a point of honour? Even after a deep exploration of my motives for doing so, would I really be able to let one set of emotions override another?
I think I would.
I think that for all that I've changed... I've also stayed the same. I come to the same places by different roads.
Save. End.
Monday 24 October 2011
Journal: 113.10.24
I have GOT to start reining in my tendency to be inappropriately flippant.
Save. End.
Save. End.
Wednesday 19 October 2011
Journal: 113.10.19
A month is, it has to be said, a long time to go without updating this thing.
But then again, there's been no news worth mentioning. It's been a month without anything particularly interesting happening. Even the wardec we've had this past week doesn't count because the five-person corporation who declared it seem to have no interest in fighting, even two against one.
About the only thing of note is that Meera and Sinikka still aren't talking to each other, which makes this officially the longest squabble ever. Meera's barely talking to me either, which is unusual. Before now I've always been the mediator they both go to.
I think the problem this time is that we're both capsuleers. Though she won't say as much. Our father passed away, and now both her remaining siblings are "immortals". I guess she doesn't want to be left behind.
She won't be, of course. But she needs convincing of it, somehow...
Save. End.
But then again, there's been no news worth mentioning. It's been a month without anything particularly interesting happening. Even the wardec we've had this past week doesn't count because the five-person corporation who declared it seem to have no interest in fighting, even two against one.
About the only thing of note is that Meera and Sinikka still aren't talking to each other, which makes this officially the longest squabble ever. Meera's barely talking to me either, which is unusual. Before now I've always been the mediator they both go to.
I think the problem this time is that we're both capsuleers. Though she won't say as much. Our father passed away, and now both her remaining siblings are "immortals". I guess she doesn't want to be left behind.
She won't be, of course. But she needs convincing of it, somehow...
Save. End.
Monday 19 September 2011
Journal: 113.09.19
Meera to Sinikka: "You just couldn't wait for Dad to die so you could get those plugs in your brain!"
Not sure HOW I'm going to fix this one.
Save. End.
Tuesday 13 September 2011
Journal: 113.09.14
Coming up on six years as a capsuleer. You'd think I'd have shifted further and further away from the base-line, become ever more invested in space, and what I can do through the medium of the pod.
In practice, I'm spending much more time out of pod than in these days. With so many investments in State mega-subsidiaries and political interest groups, the demands for my time and attention are becoming increasingly frequent, and thus the time I have to spend on actually being a pod pilot is reduced.
Well. Hopefully after the 25th things will settle down again and I'll be able to get back out there, making REAL money, and spending more time with the people who really matter to me nowadays.
Save. End.
In practice, I'm spending much more time out of pod than in these days. With so many investments in State mega-subsidiaries and political interest groups, the demands for my time and attention are becoming increasingly frequent, and thus the time I have to spend on actually being a pod pilot is reduced.
Well. Hopefully after the 25th things will settle down again and I'll be able to get back out there, making REAL money, and spending more time with the people who really matter to me nowadays.
Save. End.
Thursday 1 September 2011
Journal: 113.09.01, entry 2
Heard from Coldkill again tonight, it's always good to catch up. I described the KASDE situation and we got to chatting about strategy, military efficiency and the general philosophy of capsuleer warfare.
It's something I frequently muse on that for many, many pod pilots, even the most elementary rules of warfare seem to be ignored. Very few of us seem to have read the literature on strategy, and even fewer apparently treat their militaries as... well... militaries.
Take your average capsuleer battle, for instance. The whole approach seems to be "throw an enormous number of ships into the fight and then have one fleet commander calling targets sequentially."
This is unbelievably inefficient, when you think about it. A ship being shot at by, say, fifty ships will evaporate damn near instantly. Throwing in another nine hundred and fifty doesn't make the tiniest difference to how long it survives, let alone a tactically significant one. A 250 strong fleet could engage five targets simultaneously if target calling was devolved to the wing commanders. Ten times that many if the responsibility was devolved to the squad commanders
And yet the "traditional" approach seems to be that the FC spends his time constantly barking enemy callsigns down the voice comms channel and hoping that his or her hopelessly overwhelmed sensors are at least up-to-date enough that they're not calling a target which is already destroyed. There's no chain of command - the general strides onto the battlefield in person and proceeds to individually order the death of every enemy combatant.
And that's when everything's going smoothly. Capsuleer militaries totally lack for professionalism. I've been there - people lose their ships and start calling for help, or reporting their loss to the FC who does NOT need to know. What the FC needs is to have a clear comms line so that necessary information can flow.
Or could, if there was a chain of command for it to flow from and into. Point stands, though. That's the sort of thing that can - should - be covered in basic training. Explain WHAT the FC needs to know, WHY, and WHEN. especially explain why the FC generally does NOT need to know and you should shut up.
Is there basic training for alliances? I doubt it, for most of them. They rely on weight of numbers, not on competence. I suspect, and Coldkill agreed when I mentioned this, that one fleet of 250 could take on four times as many ships and win if its members were trained, flew in a planned fleet rather than bringing whatever they felt like, and were part of a distributed command network rather than being effectively a 250-hardpoint weapons battery on a monstrously large ship with no weapon grouping software.
I'm quite comfortable where I am. But I suspect that if I ever go back out to nullsec, the first thing I'll do is contact the senior FCs and whip the combat pilots into shape. Qualifications, education, role assignment, chain of command. If we just picked up even the most basic elements of a proper, professional military, the upswing in effectiveness would, I'm quite sure, be very pronounced indeed.
Of course, the first and probably most difficult obstacle would be convincing the idiots who've been doing it the "blob and primary" way this whole time.
Save. End.
It's something I frequently muse on that for many, many pod pilots, even the most elementary rules of warfare seem to be ignored. Very few of us seem to have read the literature on strategy, and even fewer apparently treat their militaries as... well... militaries.
Take your average capsuleer battle, for instance. The whole approach seems to be "throw an enormous number of ships into the fight and then have one fleet commander calling targets sequentially."
This is unbelievably inefficient, when you think about it. A ship being shot at by, say, fifty ships will evaporate damn near instantly. Throwing in another nine hundred and fifty doesn't make the tiniest difference to how long it survives, let alone a tactically significant one. A 250 strong fleet could engage five targets simultaneously if target calling was devolved to the wing commanders. Ten times that many if the responsibility was devolved to the squad commanders
And yet the "traditional" approach seems to be that the FC spends his time constantly barking enemy callsigns down the voice comms channel and hoping that his or her hopelessly overwhelmed sensors are at least up-to-date enough that they're not calling a target which is already destroyed. There's no chain of command - the general strides onto the battlefield in person and proceeds to individually order the death of every enemy combatant.
And that's when everything's going smoothly. Capsuleer militaries totally lack for professionalism. I've been there - people lose their ships and start calling for help, or reporting their loss to the FC who does NOT need to know. What the FC needs is to have a clear comms line so that necessary information can flow.
Or could, if there was a chain of command for it to flow from and into. Point stands, though. That's the sort of thing that can - should - be covered in basic training. Explain WHAT the FC needs to know, WHY, and WHEN. especially explain why the FC generally does NOT need to know and you should shut up.
Is there basic training for alliances? I doubt it, for most of them. They rely on weight of numbers, not on competence. I suspect, and Coldkill agreed when I mentioned this, that one fleet of 250 could take on four times as many ships and win if its members were trained, flew in a planned fleet rather than bringing whatever they felt like, and were part of a distributed command network rather than being effectively a 250-hardpoint weapons battery on a monstrously large ship with no weapon grouping software.
I'm quite comfortable where I am. But I suspect that if I ever go back out to nullsec, the first thing I'll do is contact the senior FCs and whip the combat pilots into shape. Qualifications, education, role assignment, chain of command. If we just picked up even the most basic elements of a proper, professional military, the upswing in effectiveness would, I'm quite sure, be very pronounced indeed.
Of course, the first and probably most difficult obstacle would be convincing the idiots who've been doing it the "blob and primary" way this whole time.
Save. End.
Journal: 113.09.01
There are times, regrettable times, when people just take things a bit too seriously.
The founder of KASDE called up a nullsec alliance friend of theirs who made some very dire threats to Cia about closing the corporation down if we didn't retract the war against KASDE immediately. Cia being the prudent, level-headed sort that she is realised that this sort of fight isn't what most of the corporation signed up for and agreed to their demands.
If it had been me, I'd have looked the arrogant son of a bitch who threatened us in the eye and started our own wardec against them, then and there. So, it's probably for the best that I'm not the CEO.
Still, I can't help but wonder. Such a threat is more bluff than statement of reality. A corp of that size based in Stain coming all the way to Molden Heath just to station-camp an industrial corporation half their size out of existence? Not going to happen, they'll get bored too quickly. Besides, without the option of deploying capitals they'd have to bring battleship fleets. That means a healthy selection of the big ones like Nightmares and Machariels.
I know from experience that cheap battleships - phoons, dominixes and geddons especially - can happily slaughter one of those ships fast enough that the presence of supporting firepower isn't an issue. You lose all the ships, but you WILL kill the more expensive one and spend less money in the process. spend two hundred million ISK-worth of fully insured hardware, take down a ship worth ten times that much. Do it ten times, twenty, fifty. Make the war disproportionately expensive for them.
Suddenly, their pilots don't much like the idea of coming down our way, and especially not in their big shiny faction battleships. They stop responding to CTAs, which leads to disciplinary problems. They start bringing cheaper ships, which leads to the fleet being less powerful than it looks, which leads to frustrated FCs, who make bad calls or have to yell to shut their pilots up, which makes the fleet even less efficient.
We've got friends and contacts in important places. I can think of at least four people who might be convinced to help an old fellow FLA member out in a tight spot. Big names, too. With a bit of diplomacy we could have brought an angry pod-pilot hammer down on these bastards, outnumbered them five to one, razed them from the map just like they promised to do to us and laughed at them when we finally allowed them to escape, beaten and broken.
It would have been so fitting for the arsehole who set them on us to watch in horror when it didn't work. It would have been justice to make the big schoolyard bully he'd run to for protection watch in mounting incredulity as the corporation he boasted about got stamped flat. It would have been glorious, a legend to go down in the history of New Eden. There would have been songs, poems and holoreels.
That's what I would have done, or lost everything trying. That's what FLA did.
Re-Aw is not FLA. I need to remember that. And for this corp, here and now, backing down was the only sensible response. I'm not happy about it, not happy at all.
But it was the right decision.
Save. End.
The founder of KASDE called up a nullsec alliance friend of theirs who made some very dire threats to Cia about closing the corporation down if we didn't retract the war against KASDE immediately. Cia being the prudent, level-headed sort that she is realised that this sort of fight isn't what most of the corporation signed up for and agreed to their demands.
If it had been me, I'd have looked the arrogant son of a bitch who threatened us in the eye and started our own wardec against them, then and there. So, it's probably for the best that I'm not the CEO.
Still, I can't help but wonder. Such a threat is more bluff than statement of reality. A corp of that size based in Stain coming all the way to Molden Heath just to station-camp an industrial corporation half their size out of existence? Not going to happen, they'll get bored too quickly. Besides, without the option of deploying capitals they'd have to bring battleship fleets. That means a healthy selection of the big ones like Nightmares and Machariels.
I know from experience that cheap battleships - phoons, dominixes and geddons especially - can happily slaughter one of those ships fast enough that the presence of supporting firepower isn't an issue. You lose all the ships, but you WILL kill the more expensive one and spend less money in the process. spend two hundred million ISK-worth of fully insured hardware, take down a ship worth ten times that much. Do it ten times, twenty, fifty. Make the war disproportionately expensive for them.
Suddenly, their pilots don't much like the idea of coming down our way, and especially not in their big shiny faction battleships. They stop responding to CTAs, which leads to disciplinary problems. They start bringing cheaper ships, which leads to the fleet being less powerful than it looks, which leads to frustrated FCs, who make bad calls or have to yell to shut their pilots up, which makes the fleet even less efficient.
We've got friends and contacts in important places. I can think of at least four people who might be convinced to help an old fellow FLA member out in a tight spot. Big names, too. With a bit of diplomacy we could have brought an angry pod-pilot hammer down on these bastards, outnumbered them five to one, razed them from the map just like they promised to do to us and laughed at them when we finally allowed them to escape, beaten and broken.
It would have been so fitting for the arsehole who set them on us to watch in horror when it didn't work. It would have been justice to make the big schoolyard bully he'd run to for protection watch in mounting incredulity as the corporation he boasted about got stamped flat. It would have been glorious, a legend to go down in the history of New Eden. There would have been songs, poems and holoreels.
That's what I would have done, or lost everything trying. That's what FLA did.
Re-Aw is not FLA. I need to remember that. And for this corp, here and now, backing down was the only sensible response. I'm not happy about it, not happy at all.
But it was the right decision.
Save. End.
Wednesday 24 August 2011
Journal: 113.08.24
KASDE retracted the war... So we're declaring one of our own against them.
I love this corporation.
Save. End.
I love this corporation.
Save. End.
Tuesday 23 August 2011
Journal: YC113.08.23
It would be hard to overstate my frustration with this war. More than a week into it and I haven't even seen one member of the enemy corporation in the same system as me.
The pressing non-capsule business needs that seem to always take up the four hours I would have spent flying and kicking arse don't help either. I'm fixing to kill something, but even when a decent target DOES present itself while I'm in the pod, it has five friends and none of mine are available.
So instead, I'm focusing on nanotechnology. And ways to trick a ten-year-old girl into having a haircut. Quite the big bad scary pod pilot I've become.
Save. End.
The pressing non-capsule business needs that seem to always take up the four hours I would have spent flying and kicking arse don't help either. I'm fixing to kill something, but even when a decent target DOES present itself while I'm in the pod, it has five friends and none of mine are available.
So instead, I'm focusing on nanotechnology. And ways to trick a ten-year-old girl into having a haircut. Quite the big bad scary pod pilot I've become.
Save. End.
Monday 15 August 2011
Journal: 113.08.15
War.
I've not had a decent fight in ages that wasn't against Sansha's Nation, and to judge from their combat records the corporation we're to be fighting aren't exactly the most deadly force in all of New Eden.
This should be fun.
Save. End.
I've not had a decent fight in ages that wasn't against Sansha's Nation, and to judge from their combat records the corporation we're to be fighting aren't exactly the most deadly force in all of New Eden.
This should be fun.
Save. End.
Saturday 6 August 2011
Journal: 113.08.06
Sinikka's coming along nicely as a capsuleer. All those years of studying, discussing the lifestyle with me, and generally performing the research has made her much more... competent than I was in my early days.
She wants to pilot Flycatchers for an alliance, so that's what she's zeroed in on, with all the focus of a target painter.
It's a little intimidating, actually. I always knew there was steel in her, but getting her license has brought it to the skin. She's not quite the same woman she was a month ago.
Save. End.
She wants to pilot Flycatchers for an alliance, so that's what she's zeroed in on, with all the focus of a target painter.
It's a little intimidating, actually. I always knew there was steel in her, but getting her license has brought it to the skin. She's not quite the same woman she was a month ago.
Save. End.
Thursday 28 July 2011
Journal: 113.07.28
The presence of an Ishukone station in Eygfe is proving to be just what I needed, a touch of home away from home. having an actual Uuskyounto shrine to visit and pray at is so much better than making do with incense and candles in my quarters. That metallic Matari flooring is uncomfortable to kneel on.
What makes it even better is that Nicole is joining ReAw, which I'm grateful for. Marriages work better when the two halves of it aren't at opposite ends of highsec.
Aato's taken leave for the first time ever. I know it's none of my business, but I can't help wondering what's prompted it. three and a half years without taking even a single day off except when ordered to on medical grounds, and suddenly she applies for a whole month. I told her she could consider her leave time open-ended.
Considering what her profession was before she became my bodyguard, it's probably best if I don't know what she's up to.
Save. End.
What makes it even better is that Nicole is joining ReAw, which I'm grateful for. Marriages work better when the two halves of it aren't at opposite ends of highsec.
Aato's taken leave for the first time ever. I know it's none of my business, but I can't help wondering what's prompted it. three and a half years without taking even a single day off except when ordered to on medical grounds, and suddenly she applies for a whole month. I told her she could consider her leave time open-ended.
Considering what her profession was before she became my bodyguard, it's probably best if I don't know what she's up to.
Save. End.
Saturday 23 July 2011
Journal: YC113.07.23
Wednesday 20 July 2011
Journal: 113.07.20
Dad's funeral was this morning. It helped more than I thought it would. Just... making a point of saying a loving goodbye, of hearing some words of comfort, of having friends and family in support. Helped.
And now, for the next... eight hours or so, Sinikka is in surgery, getting her Capsuleer implants and ascending to the ranks of the pod pilots.
On the one hand, it's a comfort to know that my Shenane will be just as indestructible as I am, that she'll be around for as long as we choose to be.
On the other hand, I can't help but worry. It's an invasive procedure, becoming a capsuleer. The process has changed since I got my implants, though. Now they don't worry about most of the implants, they just prepare a clone body full of them for you, then Infomorph you straight over. It's an uncomfortable thought, like getting podded before even stepping into the pod.
But it's apparently got a much, much higher success and safety rate. Nearly 100%.
Nearly. And because she's my sister, I worry about that tiny uncertainty more than I should.
Save. End.
Saturday 16 July 2011
Legal Documentation - YC113.07.16
Legal document recorded YC113.03.23.
Witnessed: Juin Assuosen, of Assuosen, Mikeske and Ono Solicitors.
Record begins:
I, Mattias Iroh Kuwabi Hakatain, declare that I am in full possession of my faculties both mental and physical, and that I am therefore able in the eyes of State, Region and Corporate law to record this, my Will of Bequests, to be read following my death.
This will is accompanied by a personal message for each of the named recipients, to be delivered at the reading or as soon thereafter as is reasonably possible.
First bequest: To Menjen Assesiaka, proprietor and owner of the “Rock-Jack's Rest” bar, Korama III - Moon 10 - Ishukone Corporation Factory, I leave one hundred thousand Interstellar Kredits, the flawed Neophite crystal she always claimed I made up, and the recipe for my popular “Kernite Fire Noodles”. The secret is to paste the shrip with a shot of single-malt whisky.
Second bequest: To my three good friends, drinking buddies and poker adversaries, Mejenes Saal, Yakiya Vaskuuki and Iina Pastat I leave the sum of one hundred thousand Interstellar Kredits apiece, and a deluxe InterBus one month “Homeworld Tour” of Caldari Prime apiece. To Iina, I further leave my collection of “Sela Sentinels” Splinterz team memorabilia. To Mejenes, I further leave my poker chips, and to Yakiya, I further leave however much of my collection of YC77 Arcurio whisky remains unconsumed.
Third bequest: to the Servant Sisters of EVE, I leave fifty million Interstellar Kredits. My life would have been much shorter without you.
Fourth bequest: To my grand-daughter, Atra Naiavi Kyatina Hakatain, I bequeath an inheritance to the sum of ten million Interstellar Kredits, to be kept and invested in her name by the State and Region Bank until she comes of age.
Fifth bequest: To my beloved daughter Eska Sinikka Vellamo Hakatain – I release you from your oath, and leave you twenty million Interstellar Kredits with which to walk the path of your choosing, plus my controlling interest in the family holdings corporation.
Sixth bequest: To my dearest daughter Tellervo Meera Ajattara Hakatain and her husband Tonttu Veikko Vainam Jallinoja, I bequeath equally all the remainder of my estate, assets and property.
Seventh bequest: To my son Verin, in accordance with his own demand, I leave nothing save my promise to love and guide him even more than our ancestors already do, now that I am one of them.
This concludes the record of my final bequests.
*
Message Enclosed - for the eyes of Yakiya Verin Gariova Hakatain only.
Message reads:
I'm proud of you.
-Dad.
End document.
Document Archived.
Thursday 14 July 2011
Monday 11 July 2011
Journal: YC113.07.11
"Oh, for Fortune's sake. Shave a clone, if it's a real problem. No-one has any experience with two-year olds until they have one, Verin. Your sister is probably feeling exactly the same way you are now, except every single day. I'll even lend you a nanny."
Cia has never told me off before.
I'm proud of her.
Save. End.
Cia has never told me off before.
I'm proud of her.
Save. End.
Friday 8 July 2011
Journal: YC113.07.08
A certain Doctor Hilen Tukoss has opened a channel to pick the brains of any capsuleers who feel like having their brains picked.
I turned up late to the party, but Camille happily sent me the logs of the conversation as she'd been listening in on (and, being Camille, commenting on).
The logs record a little over two hours of conversation. During which time Doctor Tukoss spoke ninety-three times and communicated... precisely nothing. no theories, no observations, no hints, not so much as a single stray opinion.
While "Speaking without communicating" is a valuable skill that any higher-up in a State corporation will have learned well, it does rather make me wonder if maybe he actually knows less than we do and is trying to get as many capsuleers as possible to share their pet theories by way of research. We're the ones who spend any time at all out there, living, working and learning after all.
Which would mean that the Megas are even more stumped than we are. Encouraging.
I found the name of the channel he created very intriguing, however. "Arek'Jaalan" which, if you cut out the Lonetrek slang and render it in proper Napaani becomes "Arekaini Jaalanat" - "To create dissidents". or maybe Arekainiku, "creating". It's hard to tell with Lonetrek "throat infection" Vernacular.
Either way, it looks like the man's taking his defection to the Republic very seriously. And I note that nobody in the logs actually asked him the obvious question: "why?"
I may need to correct that oversight.
Save. End.
I turned up late to the party, but Camille happily sent me the logs of the conversation as she'd been listening in on (and, being Camille, commenting on).
The logs record a little over two hours of conversation. During which time Doctor Tukoss spoke ninety-three times and communicated... precisely nothing. no theories, no observations, no hints, not so much as a single stray opinion.
While "Speaking without communicating" is a valuable skill that any higher-up in a State corporation will have learned well, it does rather make me wonder if maybe he actually knows less than we do and is trying to get as many capsuleers as possible to share their pet theories by way of research. We're the ones who spend any time at all out there, living, working and learning after all.
Which would mean that the Megas are even more stumped than we are. Encouraging.
I found the name of the channel he created very intriguing, however. "Arek'Jaalan" which, if you cut out the Lonetrek slang and render it in proper Napaani becomes "Arekaini Jaalanat" - "To create dissidents". or maybe Arekainiku, "creating". It's hard to tell with Lonetrek "throat infection" Vernacular.
Either way, it looks like the man's taking his defection to the Republic very seriously. And I note that nobody in the logs actually asked him the obvious question: "why?"
I may need to correct that oversight.
Save. End.
Wednesday 6 July 2011
Journal: YC113.07.06
If Cia has a flaw, it's a tendency to hen-peck me about every last little thing that might indicate an iota of risk to my person. Unidentified vapour coming from a ceiling vent in my quarters, contact Maintenance (turned out to be water mist used to humidify the air). Spinal socket implants are itchy, call Medical. It's entirely reasonable that I'm forbidden from having a cigar while visiting her hab, there are kids living there after all, but I think I should be allowed to light up in the privacy of my own quarters without a slight note of reproach entering her voice over the comms.
I'll refrain from smoking in her actual presence I guess. If it makes her that uncomfortable. I guess she figures that just because my body is expandable doesn't mean I should be cavalier with it. I figure I'm not being cavalier, just realistic when I acknowledge that the average lifespan of my clones is measured in months, and that's a healthy life expectancy for one of a capsuleer's serial incarnations.
Of course, if I have a flaw, it's a tendency to be a little too... parental? Teacherly? I give her advice when she hasn't asked for it and quite possible doesn't need it. Sure I'd find that annoying if I was on the receiving end of it.
Easier to acknowledge and think about stopping than it is to actually stop, of course. I just hope she doesn't mind too much.
Save. End.
I'll refrain from smoking in her actual presence I guess. If it makes her that uncomfortable. I guess she figures that just because my body is expandable doesn't mean I should be cavalier with it. I figure I'm not being cavalier, just realistic when I acknowledge that the average lifespan of my clones is measured in months, and that's a healthy life expectancy for one of a capsuleer's serial incarnations.
Of course, if I have a flaw, it's a tendency to be a little too... parental? Teacherly? I give her advice when she hasn't asked for it and quite possible doesn't need it. Sure I'd find that annoying if I was on the receiving end of it.
Easier to acknowledge and think about stopping than it is to actually stop, of course. I just hope she doesn't mind too much.
Save. End.
Monday 4 July 2011
Journal: 113.07.04
I haven't found the time to sculpt anything in a few weeks now. My fingers are itching for something to do.
Something other than that Sansha armour plating though. I've worked in that enough for now. besides, it's too easy to cut my fingers on.
hmmm...
Query: Personal Hangar 27 contents, criteria: homogeneous transparent/semi-transparent/crystalline materials, hardness >2 Mohs, non-hazardous, volume >208mm3. Execute.
Processing....
Return - Hangar contents matching search criteria as follows:
8x laser ammunition crystal, Aurora L, used.
14x laser ammunition crystal, Aurora M, used.
10x laser ammunition crystal, Gleam M, used.
1x laser ammunition crystal, True Sansha Microwave S, pristine.
6x glass bottles, Quafe Zero.
1x Current Pump, defective.
1x ship auxiliary armour plating module, crystalline carbonide, 50mm.
100,800 x industrial units refined electronics-grade silicone crystals (38,304 m3).
Return - close non-matching items as follows
11x assorted scrap metal.
3x ship main structural spars, alloyed tritanium.
630x tungsten carbide sheets.
375x standard ore measures, Omber.
310x standard ore measures, Silvery Omber.
162x standard ore measures, Golden Omber.
1x dog tags, True Sansha, Copper.
43x zydrine crystals.
...ammo crystal maybe?
Or I could actually do something artistic with those Quafe bottles. Not like I'm planning to drink that filth.
Save. End.
Something other than that Sansha armour plating though. I've worked in that enough for now. besides, it's too easy to cut my fingers on.
hmmm...
Query: Personal Hangar 27 contents, criteria: homogeneous transparent/semi-transparent/crystalline materials, hardness >2 Mohs, non-hazardous, volume >208mm3. Execute.
Processing....
Return - Hangar contents matching search criteria as follows:
8x laser ammunition crystal, Aurora L, used.
14x laser ammunition crystal, Aurora M, used.
10x laser ammunition crystal, Gleam M, used.
1x laser ammunition crystal, True Sansha Microwave S, pristine.
6x glass bottles, Quafe Zero.
1x Current Pump, defective.
1x ship auxiliary armour plating module, crystalline carbonide, 50mm.
100,800 x industrial units refined electronics-grade silicone crystals (38,304 m3).
Return - close non-matching items as follows
11x assorted scrap metal.
3x ship main structural spars, alloyed tritanium.
630x tungsten carbide sheets.
375x standard ore measures, Omber.
310x standard ore measures, Silvery Omber.
162x standard ore measures, Golden Omber.
1x dog tags, True Sansha, Copper.
43x zydrine crystals.
...ammo crystal maybe?
Or I could actually do something artistic with those Quafe bottles. Not like I'm planning to drink that filth.
Save. End.
Friday 1 July 2011
Journal: 113.07.01
been doing some research into expanding my planetary leverage beyond just churning out a huge number of self-harmonizing power cores and instead looking into maybe using those power cores to build stuff.
For reference purposes, looked at the requirements for an Infrastructure Hub and realized that I produce power cores at such a rate that I meet the requirements for a basic, unimproved blueprint's schematic once a day, and still have a surplus.
I'm thinking maybe I should look into starting a starbase construction initiative. POS towers, shipyards, Sov Blockade Units, something along those lines.
Lot of research to do. Guess I'll have Skyshatter prepped for a tour of New Eden starting Tuesday so I can do a round-trip and judge volume shifted in the four major trade hub regions, average trading price, do a cost/benefit analysis, give a business plan to Cia and see what she thinks.
After the weekend. Family time is important.
Save. End.
For reference purposes, looked at the requirements for an Infrastructure Hub and realized that I produce power cores at such a rate that I meet the requirements for a basic, unimproved blueprint's schematic once a day, and still have a surplus.
I'm thinking maybe I should look into starting a starbase construction initiative. POS towers, shipyards, Sov Blockade Units, something along those lines.
Lot of research to do. Guess I'll have Skyshatter prepped for a tour of New Eden starting Tuesday so I can do a round-trip and judge volume shifted in the four major trade hub regions, average trading price, do a cost/benefit analysis, give a business plan to Cia and see what she thinks.
After the weekend. Family time is important.
Save. End.
Thursday 30 June 2011
Journal: YC113.06.30
I'm a religious man myself, but there are times when it strikes me just how strange and totally alien to my own faith the Amarrian religion is.
In Uskyounto, for example, we wouldn't keep the skeleton of a holy man on display for four hundred years as a holy relic.
Saint Shemek the Reclaimer, a man who purportedly converted the population of a whole world to Amarr with one divinely powerful speech. His body - or at least, some of it - is on display in a chapel reliquary in Dam-Torsad, for the faithful to visit and be inspired by.
Except that some of the faithful were inspired to steal the skeleton and take it with them on pilgrimages of Reclamation, the better to grant some divine spark to aid in their cause or... whatever. Zealot thinking.
His left hand is on my desk right now. The Theology Council has issued a one million ISK bounty per bone on this holy man's remains, and I have a whole twenty-six of them. The third distal phalanx turns out to be a very convincing fake - When I mentioned this to the cleric at the reliquary chapel she told me that Shemek was a spaceshipyard worker before he became a preacher, lost the tip of his left ring finger in a workplace accident, and that he wore a prosthetic for the rest of his life. When they came to display the skeleton, a replica bone was made because people were so used to seeing him with an apparently full complement of intact fingertips. Still, the bounty's valid for the fake fingertip too, to keep up appearances. In fact, they take the news that the bone is a replica to be evidence that I really do have Shemek's hand.
The simple wooden box that carries this artefact was wedged behind a cold air duct under the deck plating of my hangar, right underneath the drone docking and charging platform, the one part of the whole hangar not able to be reconfigured or have cargo stacked on it.
All because mine is hangar twenty-seven, and they have twenty-seven (or so they think) of the saint's bones with them. bones which I have confiscated and intend to return to the Empire's keeping. My pilgrims didn't take the news well. In fact, they're having to be guarded every second of the day because the moment they think they're not being watched, they attempt to take their lives.
They're insane, clearly. I've contacted a religious institution in the Empire that specialises in rehabilitating the suicidally faithful.
Doesn't feel right taking the money for this thing, though. So there's going to be a series of anonymous (and very large) donations to charities in the Republic looking to help new immigrants out of poverty.
Seems only fair that the Saint of Reclaimers should contribute something to the well-being of the emancipated. I like the irony of that.
Still need to figure out which of my staff were dumb enough to let them in and fire them though. So, mystery not quite fully resolved yet.
Save. End.
In Uskyounto, for example, we wouldn't keep the skeleton of a holy man on display for four hundred years as a holy relic.
Saint Shemek the Reclaimer, a man who purportedly converted the population of a whole world to Amarr with one divinely powerful speech. His body - or at least, some of it - is on display in a chapel reliquary in Dam-Torsad, for the faithful to visit and be inspired by.
Except that some of the faithful were inspired to steal the skeleton and take it with them on pilgrimages of Reclamation, the better to grant some divine spark to aid in their cause or... whatever. Zealot thinking.
His left hand is on my desk right now. The Theology Council has issued a one million ISK bounty per bone on this holy man's remains, and I have a whole twenty-six of them. The third distal phalanx turns out to be a very convincing fake - When I mentioned this to the cleric at the reliquary chapel she told me that Shemek was a spaceshipyard worker before he became a preacher, lost the tip of his left ring finger in a workplace accident, and that he wore a prosthetic for the rest of his life. When they came to display the skeleton, a replica bone was made because people were so used to seeing him with an apparently full complement of intact fingertips. Still, the bounty's valid for the fake fingertip too, to keep up appearances. In fact, they take the news that the bone is a replica to be evidence that I really do have Shemek's hand.
The simple wooden box that carries this artefact was wedged behind a cold air duct under the deck plating of my hangar, right underneath the drone docking and charging platform, the one part of the whole hangar not able to be reconfigured or have cargo stacked on it.
All because mine is hangar twenty-seven, and they have twenty-seven (or so they think) of the saint's bones with them. bones which I have confiscated and intend to return to the Empire's keeping. My pilgrims didn't take the news well. In fact, they're having to be guarded every second of the day because the moment they think they're not being watched, they attempt to take their lives.
They're insane, clearly. I've contacted a religious institution in the Empire that specialises in rehabilitating the suicidally faithful.
Doesn't feel right taking the money for this thing, though. So there's going to be a series of anonymous (and very large) donations to charities in the Republic looking to help new immigrants out of poverty.
Seems only fair that the Saint of Reclaimers should contribute something to the well-being of the emancipated. I like the irony of that.
Still need to figure out which of my staff were dumb enough to let them in and fire them though. So, mystery not quite fully resolved yet.
Save. End.
Tuesday 28 June 2011
Journal: YC113.06.28
The report on the incident involving my Amarrian "guests" has raised more questions than it answers.
item one: psych profiling and hiring standards mean that none of the people in a position to grant them admittance to the hangar would do so with intent to cause them harm. Some of the staff are former slaves and as such thoroughly opposed to Amarr (the religion), but all of them are level-headed enough not to go throwing somebody into a meat grinder just for their beliefs.
Item two: No exploitable security hole has been found by the investigation team. And if the investigators didn't find one, then there almost certainly isn't one and even if there were, something evading the ability of a team of security consultants to detect would be leagues beyond anything a random batch of civilians could take advantage of.
Item three: the incident took place during a scheduled five-day inspection of the tri-skin bulkhead welds, the only occasion when the hangar is pressurised, as scheduled by station engineering and liaised with my quartermaster and executive officer. all above board and correct.
In light of the above, therefore, it is the considered opinion of the report that the pilgrims were allowed access to the hangar without intent to cause them harm, and that a minimum of four security personnel were involved in granting said permission. This despite the training all the guards receive to highlight the exact lethal dangers of the hangar facility and why letting anybody in while it's in use is a Bad Idea.
None of which makes any sense.
It makes even less sense when I came to deposit three hundred and fifty thousand cubic meters of freighter cargo this evening, and was promptly stopped from doing so by the newly-installed safety overrides.
Turns out the twelve pilgrims who were sufficiently well to leave medical today went straight back there. They became violent when I had them removed. Spast, it's almost like they WANT to get killed.
Or like there's something in there they value more than their own lives.
Hmm.....
Save. End.
item one: psych profiling and hiring standards mean that none of the people in a position to grant them admittance to the hangar would do so with intent to cause them harm. Some of the staff are former slaves and as such thoroughly opposed to Amarr (the religion), but all of them are level-headed enough not to go throwing somebody into a meat grinder just for their beliefs.
Item two: No exploitable security hole has been found by the investigation team. And if the investigators didn't find one, then there almost certainly isn't one and even if there were, something evading the ability of a team of security consultants to detect would be leagues beyond anything a random batch of civilians could take advantage of.
Item three: the incident took place during a scheduled five-day inspection of the tri-skin bulkhead welds, the only occasion when the hangar is pressurised, as scheduled by station engineering and liaised with my quartermaster and executive officer. all above board and correct.
In light of the above, therefore, it is the considered opinion of the report that the pilgrims were allowed access to the hangar without intent to cause them harm, and that a minimum of four security personnel were involved in granting said permission. This despite the training all the guards receive to highlight the exact lethal dangers of the hangar facility and why letting anybody in while it's in use is a Bad Idea.
None of which makes any sense.
It makes even less sense when I came to deposit three hundred and fifty thousand cubic meters of freighter cargo this evening, and was promptly stopped from doing so by the newly-installed safety overrides.
Turns out the twelve pilgrims who were sufficiently well to leave medical today went straight back there. They became violent when I had them removed. Spast, it's almost like they WANT to get killed.
Or like there's something in there they value more than their own lives.
Hmm.....
Save. End.
Sunday 26 June 2011
Journal: YC113.06.27
They're Amarrian. Pilgrims, in the Republic on a religious mission of Reclamation. Not a good way to make yourself popular in Minmatar territory.
Which immediately makes me suspicious that there's more going on here than simple negligence. I employ a lot of Minmatar personnel, many of them former slaves.
I can just imagine being too far from home, surrounded by people who are at best cold, and at worst openly hostile. Being turned away from every hotel and apartment block in every station, probably turfed off every station in short order. And then somebody offers a glimmer of light among all the unrelenting cruelty. "I know somewhere secure you can sleep the night. Our little secret."
It's a miracle none of them are dead. All of them have been exposed to chemical, radiological and xenobacterial hazards and are suffering for it. One of them is going to need weeks of cell regen and months of rehabilitation and physiotherapy before he can walk again.
And frankly, all of them look malnourished, dehydrated and unhealthy, like they've not seen a doctor in years. Which is why they're being treated by medical staff off my ships.
Maybe I can be their real glimmer of light.
Me.
A Capsuleer.
I'd laugh, if it was funny.
Save. End.
Which immediately makes me suspicious that there's more going on here than simple negligence. I employ a lot of Minmatar personnel, many of them former slaves.
I can just imagine being too far from home, surrounded by people who are at best cold, and at worst openly hostile. Being turned away from every hotel and apartment block in every station, probably turfed off every station in short order. And then somebody offers a glimmer of light among all the unrelenting cruelty. "I know somewhere secure you can sleep the night. Our little secret."
It's a miracle none of them are dead. All of them have been exposed to chemical, radiological and xenobacterial hazards and are suffering for it. One of them is going to need weeks of cell regen and months of rehabilitation and physiotherapy before he can walk again.
And frankly, all of them look malnourished, dehydrated and unhealthy, like they've not seen a doctor in years. Which is why they're being treated by medical staff off my ships.
Maybe I can be their real glimmer of light.
Me.
A Capsuleer.
I'd laugh, if it was funny.
Save. End.
Saturday 25 June 2011
Journal: YC113.06.26
Somebody turned up in my Gulfonodi hangar. Crushed by one of the cargo drones. From what I understand station medical have given up on the victim's legs, and think they have a 50% shot of saving the damaged arm. I've already informed them that I'll be picking up all medical expenses incurred up to and including full cellular regeneration and limb cloning.
I'm launching a review. There shouldn't have been anyone in there, it's full of ammunition and hazardous industrial materials, not to mention ten-ton cargo drones moving stuff around without any safety systems in place. The whole thing should be locked down and empty.
But the first impressions I'm getting suggest that our victim wasn't alone in there. Which means that somebody on my staff is going to be standing in front of my desk very soon, facing a lot of very cutting questions.
Questions like "Why the bloody hell weren't you doing your damn job?"
Save. End.
I'm launching a review. There shouldn't have been anyone in there, it's full of ammunition and hazardous industrial materials, not to mention ten-ton cargo drones moving stuff around without any safety systems in place. The whole thing should be locked down and empty.
But the first impressions I'm getting suggest that our victim wasn't alone in there. Which means that somebody on my staff is going to be standing in front of my desk very soon, facing a lot of very cutting questions.
Questions like "Why the bloody hell weren't you doing your damn job?"
Save. End.
Wednesday 22 June 2011
Journal: YC113.06.23
"I really just want him to ... not come near me. Near the twins. Ever again." Cia said.
It's a simple request. But acceding to it means that Byre wins. If I let this go, I'm beaten, and I'm an oathbreaker.
So. A beaten oathbreaker I have become.
It seems like that should feel more wrong, somehow.
Save. End.
It's a simple request. But acceding to it means that Byre wins. If I let this go, I'm beaten, and I'm an oathbreaker.
So. A beaten oathbreaker I have become.
It seems like that should feel more wrong, somehow.
Save. End.
Tuesday 21 June 2011
Journal: YC113.06.21
My face, my hand, my voice, threatening the babies.
Not me. Not my actions. But my fault. My failure.
Death's too good for him.
Byre will THANK me when I finally let him die.
Save. End.
Not me. Not my actions. But my fault. My failure.
Death's too good for him.
Byre will THANK me when I finally let him die.
Save. End.
Tuesday 14 June 2011
Journal: 113.06.14
"Once burned twice shy"?
Hardly. Seems like some people can't resist sticking their hand in the fire again, see if it hurts as much the second time round.
Save. End.
Hardly. Seems like some people can't resist sticking their hand in the fire again, see if it hurts as much the second time round.
Save. End.
Sunday 12 June 2011
Journal: 113.06.12
Maybe we look at so-called "Capsuleer Dementia" all wrong. Maybe we have it pretty much backwards.
It's true, a lot - I daresay all - pod pilots are a little wrong upstairs. Sociopathic disregard for human life, emotional detachment, emotional dependency, a cavalier attitude towards life and limb. I love Cia like a sister but bless her she's not right in the head.
And me, of course. Me with that evil black demon in my head just waiting for the moment when my guard's down, where something takes me back, where it can make me remember.
"Survivor's guilt". Hah! now there's a term made up by somebody who didn't have any experience of it, who don't know what it's like from the inside. The entire point is that you DIDN'T survive. People die a little bit when the souls around them are put out like candles drowning under the tide, that's normal. But I had half of my soul taken from me.
What do you call it when the other half of you, the person who made you a complete and single being with two bodies, is killed and you're not there to die with her? "Survivor's guilt"? Taisaanat kafurui siirtiuuliku!
I call it the wound that I don't think will ever really heal, even if I live for a thousand years.
even if they give you a nice helpful doctor who's there to try and help and who's understanding and just want to help you get through this, Verin. For them, for yourself, and for the corporation."
...
...I know that it's not a symptom of pod use to be that way. I think... maybe it's a prerequisite.
Save. End.
It's true, a lot - I daresay all - pod pilots are a little wrong upstairs. Sociopathic disregard for human life, emotional detachment, emotional dependency, a cavalier attitude towards life and limb. I love Cia like a sister but bless her she's not right in the head.
And me, of course. Me with that evil black demon in my head just waiting for the moment when my guard's down, where something takes me back, where it can make me remember.
"Survivor's guilt". Hah! now there's a term made up by somebody who didn't have any experience of it, who don't know what it's like from the inside. The entire point is that you DIDN'T survive. People die a little bit when the souls around them are put out like candles drowning under the tide, that's normal. But I had half of my soul taken from me.
What do you call it when the other half of you, the person who made you a complete and single being with two bodies, is killed and you're not there to die with her? "Survivor's guilt"? Taisaanat kafurui siirtiuuliku!
I call it the wound that I don't think will ever really heal, even if I live for a thousand years.
even if they give you a nice helpful doctor who's there to try and help and who's understanding and just want to help you get through this, Verin. For them, for yourself, and for the corporation."
...
...I know that it's not a symptom of pod use to be that way. I think... maybe it's a prerequisite.
Save. End.
Thursday 9 June 2011
Journal: 113.06.10
Further to my last... there are also occasions where I do something routine - some utterly mundane part of my day-to-day - and then sit back awestruck by the magnitude of it.
Today, I took receipt of one hundred tech two large shield extenders from the manufacturing array, and installed another hundred.
A comfortably well-off middle-class family in any of the four empires will earn, either in Megacorp Scrip, Federal Sterling, Republic Dollars or Imperial Monarchs, only a handful of ISK a year. double figures, maybe triple towards the top end of the scale. Some of the poorest people in the world won't even manage double figures in a year.
A Large Shield Extender II is worth six hundred and fifty thousand at current market price. six figures. three orders of magnitude more money per module than most people will earn in a hard-working year.
I just built a hundred of them. So that's sixty-five million. eight figures. Five orders of magnitude.
I already had a hundred and fifty in storage ready for the next sell batch. so we're up to one hundred and sixty-two million five hundred thousand Interstellar Kredits. Nine figures. six orders of magnitude.
I have three hundred and eighty still to build. four hundred and nine million five hundred thousand ISK gross profit. about 55% of which is net profit. So, two hundred and twenty five million two-twenty-five thousand-ish. with a margin of error of about... five percent or so.
Per week.
I acquired all of this staggering wealth by... pressing a few buttons. Took me about five minutes for each batch, if that. Plus the trade run to buy the component parts and to sell the previous batch. maybe comes to an hour's work total to make several million times what a hard-working dirtsider might earn in a year.
And several hundred times what I myself was earning this time five years ago, when I was just starting out.
Save. End.
Today, I took receipt of one hundred tech two large shield extenders from the manufacturing array, and installed another hundred.
A comfortably well-off middle-class family in any of the four empires will earn, either in Megacorp Scrip, Federal Sterling, Republic Dollars or Imperial Monarchs, only a handful of ISK a year. double figures, maybe triple towards the top end of the scale. Some of the poorest people in the world won't even manage double figures in a year.
A Large Shield Extender II is worth six hundred and fifty thousand at current market price. six figures. three orders of magnitude more money per module than most people will earn in a hard-working year.
I just built a hundred of them. So that's sixty-five million. eight figures. Five orders of magnitude.
I already had a hundred and fifty in storage ready for the next sell batch. so we're up to one hundred and sixty-two million five hundred thousand Interstellar Kredits. Nine figures. six orders of magnitude.
I have three hundred and eighty still to build. four hundred and nine million five hundred thousand ISK gross profit. about 55% of which is net profit. So, two hundred and twenty five million two-twenty-five thousand-ish. with a margin of error of about... five percent or so.
Per week.
I acquired all of this staggering wealth by... pressing a few buttons. Took me about five minutes for each batch, if that. Plus the trade run to buy the component parts and to sell the previous batch. maybe comes to an hour's work total to make several million times what a hard-working dirtsider might earn in a year.
And several hundred times what I myself was earning this time five years ago, when I was just starting out.
Save. End.
Thursday 2 June 2011
Journal: 113.06.02
Some days - infrequently - the sheer incredible scale of... of... of everything hits me in the face.
It's humbling, every time. How the hell did I make this happen?
Save. End.
It's humbling, every time. How the hell did I make this happen?
Save. End.
Wednesday 1 June 2011
Journal: 113.06.01
I'd previously thought of the "loyalty points" in-house credit offered by most corporations as something to hoard and save up until you can get something big and imposing like a navy-issue Raven blueprint.
Turns out that actually, you can make much more money by redeeming the ostensibly lower-value offers, like hardwires and enhanced ammunition. sixty thousand navy - issue cruise missiles and twelve of the new Inherent Implants 'Squire' PG3 range from CONCORD works out to about three hundred and fifteen million ISK gross profit, and about two hundred fifty million net, and that's with a fraction of the loyalty points. If I redeemed a navy battleship's worth of points in smaller stuff, the resulting profit would be far, FAR bigger.
And the nice thing is that, while the market's pretty well populated with navy cruise missiles, I didn't find a single other person selling those PG3s anywhere in highsec Republic, Federation or State space. Not even in Jita.
It's not all going to shift overnight, but I'm going to be a damn sight richer when it has.
Save. End.
Turns out that actually, you can make much more money by redeeming the ostensibly lower-value offers, like hardwires and enhanced ammunition. sixty thousand navy - issue cruise missiles and twelve of the new Inherent Implants 'Squire' PG3 range from CONCORD works out to about three hundred and fifteen million ISK gross profit, and about two hundred fifty million net, and that's with a fraction of the loyalty points. If I redeemed a navy battleship's worth of points in smaller stuff, the resulting profit would be far, FAR bigger.
And the nice thing is that, while the market's pretty well populated with navy cruise missiles, I didn't find a single other person selling those PG3s anywhere in highsec Republic, Federation or State space. Not even in Jita.
It's not all going to shift overnight, but I'm going to be a damn sight richer when it has.
Save. End.
Wednesday 25 May 2011
Two incursions in Matari space in a row last week, none in Caldari or Gallente space for at least the last fortnight or so, maybe a month, but they keep pounding away on the Amarr like a drunk husband.
Okay, there are more constellations in Amarr space than in the other empires, so if they're picking their targets at random there's a statistically higher probability that it'll be an Incursion into the Empire, but still, the number of constellations under the Imperial banner don't outweigh the number of constellations with somebody else's flag on the border checkpoints.
But the number of Incursions is drastically lopsided. I can think of three occasions at least where there were three or more Incursions in highsec, and all of them were targeting the Amarrians. Once, happenstance. Twice, coincidence.
Three times... well, I guess by default ANY Incursion is "enemy action". Why is the enemy so focused on that one target though? bigger population? pre-existing slavery culture might make for more docile subjects to True Enslave?
The fact that the Holy Amarrian Imperial Navy are the least capable at rapid-response and tactical flexibility? They're not renowned for their subtlety after all. Could just be a strategic failure in the Navy that the Sansha are exploiting.
But all things considered, I don't think it's safe to just write off the frequency of Amarr-space Incursions to that. Any angle of investigation should be pursued, see where it leads us. Because if the Amarrians aren't renowned for their subtlety, Sansha manages to turn subtlety into a blunt instrument.
Save. End.
Okay, there are more constellations in Amarr space than in the other empires, so if they're picking their targets at random there's a statistically higher probability that it'll be an Incursion into the Empire, but still, the number of constellations under the Imperial banner don't outweigh the number of constellations with somebody else's flag on the border checkpoints.
But the number of Incursions is drastically lopsided. I can think of three occasions at least where there were three or more Incursions in highsec, and all of them were targeting the Amarrians. Once, happenstance. Twice, coincidence.
Three times... well, I guess by default ANY Incursion is "enemy action". Why is the enemy so focused on that one target though? bigger population? pre-existing slavery culture might make for more docile subjects to True Enslave?
The fact that the Holy Amarrian Imperial Navy are the least capable at rapid-response and tactical flexibility? They're not renowned for their subtlety after all. Could just be a strategic failure in the Navy that the Sansha are exploiting.
But all things considered, I don't think it's safe to just write off the frequency of Amarr-space Incursions to that. Any angle of investigation should be pursued, see where it leads us. Because if the Amarrians aren't renowned for their subtlety, Sansha manages to turn subtlety into a blunt instrument.
Save. End.
Saturday 21 May 2011
Journal: yc113.05.22
It frustrates me just how few of the world's problems can be solved by punching them.
It's even more frustrating when the problem in question is a person who would REALLY deserve it.
It's even more frustrating when the problem in question is a person who would REALLY deserve it.
Save. End.
Saturday 14 May 2011
Journal: yc113.05.14
Nation hit the Ani constellation, six jumps from Gulfonodi. Re-Aw responded with commendable enthusiasm.
For me, it was a classic example of that old adage "There's no substitute for the real thing." I'm proud to say that between the briefing and training exercises, our guys were at least prepared enough to not make any stupid mistakes, and brought along ships which were appropriately outfitted for Incursion warfare.
But when the torpedoes are slamming into your armour plating and the lives of your crew and the success of the mission hangs in the balance of everyone doing their jobs right... well, that's the real test. It's all about remembering what to do, when, and how.
I'm especially proud of Cia. She's not the coolest under fire, but I'd rather have her in my fleets than some of the gung-ho morons who were showing up and wasting lives and hardware with bad planning and worse execution. I'll take jittery competence over rock-solid stupidity every time.
Save. End.
For me, it was a classic example of that old adage "There's no substitute for the real thing." I'm proud to say that between the briefing and training exercises, our guys were at least prepared enough to not make any stupid mistakes, and brought along ships which were appropriately outfitted for Incursion warfare.
But when the torpedoes are slamming into your armour plating and the lives of your crew and the success of the mission hangs in the balance of everyone doing their jobs right... well, that's the real test. It's all about remembering what to do, when, and how.
I'm especially proud of Cia. She's not the coolest under fire, but I'd rather have her in my fleets than some of the gung-ho morons who were showing up and wasting lives and hardware with bad planning and worse execution. I'll take jittery competence over rock-solid stupidity every time.
Save. End.
Monday 9 May 2011
Journal: 113.05.10
the ROTY awards are done and dusted. They've been remarkably good fun, and very un-Caldari of me.
Not that that's necessarily a bad thing.
Save. End.
Not that that's necessarily a bad thing.
Save. End.
Monday 2 May 2011
Journal: 113.05.02
So, the rear of the year voting thread got off to a dramatic start.
I'll admit, I took a certain malicious glee in disqualifying one of the Sansha pilots who had entered. I'd have quite liked to do the same to both of them, but Crucifire didn't give me an excuse to, unlike Niraia.
Her disqualification came because one of the three poses she adopted in her application image involved being shirtless and wearing only her bra, violating the rule that all contest submissions must be fully clothed images. The first rules post only explicitly mentioned trousers, the second clarified it to mean ALL clothing. I took the view that I was under no obligation to warn pilots of rules violations, and that it was their responsibility to ensure their entry was legal under the contest rules.
It seems like petulant egomania is a trait common to both Kuvakei and his followers. Niraia's response, beneath all the whining and fixation on how the first version of the rule about staying completely clothed only specifically mentioned pants, seems to boil down to "HOW DARE YOU DO THIS TO ME?!"
The ironic thing being that if she'd taken it gracefully, I might have felt guilty. As it is, she's opened her own alternative version of the contest out of spite and has made dark hints about "consequences". She's gone into a spectacular sulk, in short.
Funny how Sansha's Nation, an ideology that's all about surrendering of personal interest to the will of somebody else, or else having it forcibly taken by him, could attract somebody with such a wicked and easily bruised sense of pride.
Cia, bless her, thinks it's hilarious that we might potentially soon be fighting "The Battle of the Buttocks" and has given me her blessing to handle the situation as I see fit. I think her decision might be partly based on having no sympathy at all for Nation sympathizers.
I can't blame her.
Save. End.
Wednesday 27 April 2011
Journal: 113.04.27
We got to discussing old injuries and medical treatment in corp chat tonight. I shared the whole story about the day they took all the classified augmentations out of my body, re-grew what they removed. Pointed out that this isn't even technically my face any longer.
Except that it is, of course. An exact replica, right down to the cellular level. Every hair follicle, every crease and wrinkle, every smile-line.
And I smile a lot. I laugh a lot. For all that many of my log entries here have a black turn to them, for all that my mind goes wandering down dark paths sometimes. But I'll chuckle and smile at the slightest provocation, and don't need much more to throw my head back and roar with laughter.
Funny how I've never really thought of myself that way before.
Save. End.
Except that it is, of course. An exact replica, right down to the cellular level. Every hair follicle, every crease and wrinkle, every smile-line.
And I smile a lot. I laugh a lot. For all that many of my log entries here have a black turn to them, for all that my mind goes wandering down dark paths sometimes. But I'll chuckle and smile at the slightest provocation, and don't need much more to throw my head back and roar with laughter.
Funny how I've never really thought of myself that way before.
Save. End.
Tuesday 26 April 2011
Private Comms log, YC113.04.27
Channel ID: -21185468
Channel Name: Private Chat (Rohet Kandar Ixiris)
Listener: Verin "Stitcher" Hakatain
Session started: 113.04.27 03:06:00
[SESSION TRUNCATED]
[ 113.04.27 03:08:29 ] Rohet Kandar Ixiris > You associate with an Andreus Ixiris, correct?
[ 113.04.27 03:09:11 ] Stitcher > You could say that
[ 113.04.27 03:10:27 ] Rohet Kandar Ixiris > Sir, with due respect, I was led to believe the Caldari to be a straightforward folk, who didn't bother with the is-he-isn't-he one-hand-doesn't-know-what-the-other-is-doing nonsense...
[ 113.04.27 03:10:41 ] Rohet Kandar Ixiris > ... that is the hallmark of the Gallenteans, whose Federation my people have the dubious honour of living under.
[ 113.04.27 03:10:47 ] Stitcher > You want blunt? fair enough.
[ 113.04.27 03:10:55 ] Rohet Kandar Ixiris > Yes, sir, I do.
[ 113.04.27 03:11:10 ] Stitcher > I don't talk to people I don't know. I especially don't discuss people behind their backs with people I don't know.
[ 113.04.27 03:11:26 ] Stitcher > You want a conversation, you make my acquaintance first.
[ 113.04.27 03:11:48 ] Rohet Kandar Ixiris > Well, then, sir, my name is Rohet Kandar Ixiris, patriarch, as much as it matters, of the Ixiris family of Calluya, Intaki Prime.
[ 113.04.27 03:12:13 ] Rohet Kandar Ixiris > I am, if you must know, the biological father of Andreus Ixiris, but he is not my son.
[ 113.04.27 03:12:40 ] Rohet Kandar Ixiris > He burnt that bridge long ago.
[ 113.04.27 03:13:46 ] Stitcher > You understand of course that I intend to share the log of this conversation with him.
[ 113.04.27 03:14:23 ] Rohet Kandar Ixiris > Well then.
[ 113.04.27 03:14:45 ] Rohet Kandar Ixiris > I have a fair idea of how your kind works. What am I going to have to give you to change your mind?
[ 113.04.27 03:14:57 ] Stitcher > a damned good reason.
[ 113.04.27 03:15:59 ] Stitcher > and by the way, if you keep the borderline racism up and call me "your kind" again, then this conversation will be terminated and you go on my comms blacklist.
[ 113.04.27 03:16:05 ] Rohet Kandar Ixiris > I only know a little bit more than the general public knows about that... wretched boy has been doing since he became a capsuleer, but I know enough of him both before and after to know that he's poison.
[ 113.04.27 03:16:23 ] Rohet Kandar Ixiris > I was referring to capsuleers, sir.
[ 113.04.27 03:17:00 ] Stitcher > the point, Mister Ixiris, Is that I do not like being generalized
[ 113.04.27 03:17:05 ] Stitcher > deal with me as a person, or not at all.
[ 113.04.27 03:18:03 ] Rohet Kandar Ixiris > Fine then. I'll tell it to you straight, but I suspect you already know. That that boy is poison. And everything he touches withers and blackens.
[ 113.04.27 03:18:38 ] Rohet Kandar Ixiris > That nothing good ever comes of associating with him, and that all he'll bring you is bad luck.
[ 113.04.27 03:18:48 ] Rohet Kandar Ixiris > Bad luck and broken promises.
[ 113.04.27 03:20:34 ] Rohet Kandar Ixiris > I mean, look at what he did to that Caldari organisation that was in the news recently - Ishuk-Raata, was it? One of the subidiaries of one of the State's megacorporations?
[ 113.04.27 03:20:49 ] Rohet Kandar Ixiris > He only needed to join them for a week to tear years of work to the ground.
[ 113.04.27 03:21:56 ] Rohet Kandar Ixiris > But I came looking for you because I heard rumours - just rumours, you understand, vague ones, nothing more solid than that - that you had more first-hand experience with just how much of a monster the boy is.
[ 113.04.27 03:22:09 ] Stitcher > Mister Ixiris. Right now, I am in the middle of writing a strategic briefing document concerning Sansha's Nation. I have not seen my wife in three days. I have about a hundred million ISK worth of stuff to sell.
[ 113.04.27 03:22:26 ] Stitcher > In other words, I have better things to do than listen to somebody say mean things about his estranged son.
[ 113.04.27 03:22:34 ] Stitcher > so when I say "get to the point" I hope you understand that I don't want a...
[ 113.04.27 03:22:34 ] Rohet Kandar Ixiris > I want you to kill him.
[ 113.04.27 03:22:38 ] Rohet Kandar Ixiris > I'll pay you whatever price you want.
[ 113.04.27 03:22:44 ] Stitcher > No.
[ 113.04.27 03:23:02 ] Stitcher > Good day.
---------------------------------------------------------------
[ 113.04.27 03:23:03] SESSION TERMINATED
[ 113.04.27 03:23:04] Ixiris, Rohet Kandar added to blacklist, priority B
[ 113.04.27 03:23:17] log transcript forwarded to Ixiris, Andreus.
LOG ENDS
Thursday 21 April 2011
Journal: 113.04.21
One of the big mysteries I want to clear up is why the Republic would choose Shakor over Midular. I mean, the weight of popular opinion behind the Sanmatar is enormous.
I've spent so long attributing it to some... cultural character flaw. Like they just lacked the patience and foresight to take the long, slow, difficult but successful path over the quick, easy and futile one. That was short-sighted and prejudiced of me, and obvious in hindsight that I shouldn't even entertain such ideas. So instead, I'm looking for more fitting possible explanations.
Here's one. I described slavery as being "endemic" in the Empire. This observation was immediately the subject of a flat denial by pilot Nicoletta Mithra. Her specific quote was in fact the simple statement "Slavery is not endemic in Amarr society."
Now Mithra's a zealot, that much is obvious from just that one sentence, and it would be totally unfair to judge all of the Empire and the people within it by her obviously deluded standards. But it makes me imagine the number of times that the people who are willing to open a dialogue with the Amarr have been met with that kind of outright denial of reality.
How frustrating would that be? I could feel my fists itching even before she was done with that sentence. Extend by a year, ten years, a century, three! At least I've never yet met a Gallentean who denied that the bombing of the homeworld ever took place, though I've met plenty who think that the U-Nats underreacted and that Caldari Prime should still be a Gallente world, and probably even renamed.
I can understand zealotry and jingoism. I can't understand how a person can say in all seriousness that something isn't happening which provably is.
Makes me wonder about Midular even more. She grew up Matari, was born and raised to know about and ultimately experience exactly that kind of contemptuous dismissal of reality. She can't be less sensitive to this stuff than I am as an outsider and observer with only six days of exposure. But she still kept the faith that a diplomatic solution was ultimately viable and the best way forward.
I can't decide if that's inspirationally idealistic, or heartbreakingly naive.
Save. End.
I've spent so long attributing it to some... cultural character flaw. Like they just lacked the patience and foresight to take the long, slow, difficult but successful path over the quick, easy and futile one. That was short-sighted and prejudiced of me, and obvious in hindsight that I shouldn't even entertain such ideas. So instead, I'm looking for more fitting possible explanations.
Here's one. I described slavery as being "endemic" in the Empire. This observation was immediately the subject of a flat denial by pilot Nicoletta Mithra. Her specific quote was in fact the simple statement "Slavery is not endemic in Amarr society."
Now Mithra's a zealot, that much is obvious from just that one sentence, and it would be totally unfair to judge all of the Empire and the people within it by her obviously deluded standards. But it makes me imagine the number of times that the people who are willing to open a dialogue with the Amarr have been met with that kind of outright denial of reality.
How frustrating would that be? I could feel my fists itching even before she was done with that sentence. Extend by a year, ten years, a century, three! At least I've never yet met a Gallentean who denied that the bombing of the homeworld ever took place, though I've met plenty who think that the U-Nats underreacted and that Caldari Prime should still be a Gallente world, and probably even renamed.
I can understand zealotry and jingoism. I can't understand how a person can say in all seriousness that something isn't happening which provably is.
Makes me wonder about Midular even more. She grew up Matari, was born and raised to know about and ultimately experience exactly that kind of contemptuous dismissal of reality. She can't be less sensitive to this stuff than I am as an outsider and observer with only six days of exposure. But she still kept the faith that a diplomatic solution was ultimately viable and the best way forward.
I can't decide if that's inspirationally idealistic, or heartbreakingly naive.
Save. End.
Wednesday 20 April 2011
Journal: 113.04.20
The last few days have done one thing wonderful for me - they've reminded me that I have a history.
Five years isn't exactly a short space of time, and the lives of capsuleers are hectic. I have to think hard to recall all the places I've been, all the things I've done, all the people I've known and my relationships with them all.
Of course there would be EM pilots who'd react to me - a former STPRO pilot and vocal State loyalist - being a member of their alliance with surprise, alarm and suspicion. Most of them don't know me and the few who do quite probably know me as an old enemy.
They don't know (or at least don't believe) that there's no conflict between my being here and my being loyal to the State. They think that by being here "to learn" I mean I'm gathering intel on their strategy, their tactics, their pilots and ships. But all I want is to get a glimpse - just a tiny, shred-of-blue-sky-through-the-rainclouds glimpse - of what it's like to be Minmatar.
Even if only for a fraction of a second, I want to experience something other than a Caldari perspective, so that I can look back and understand what it means to be Caldari all the clearer.
Save. End.
Five years isn't exactly a short space of time, and the lives of capsuleers are hectic. I have to think hard to recall all the places I've been, all the things I've done, all the people I've known and my relationships with them all.
Of course there would be EM pilots who'd react to me - a former STPRO pilot and vocal State loyalist - being a member of their alliance with surprise, alarm and suspicion. Most of them don't know me and the few who do quite probably know me as an old enemy.
They don't know (or at least don't believe) that there's no conflict between my being here and my being loyal to the State. They think that by being here "to learn" I mean I'm gathering intel on their strategy, their tactics, their pilots and ships. But all I want is to get a glimpse - just a tiny, shred-of-blue-sky-through-the-rainclouds glimpse - of what it's like to be Minmatar.
Even if only for a fraction of a second, I want to experience something other than a Caldari perspective, so that I can look back and understand what it means to be Caldari all the clearer.
Save. End.
Monday 18 April 2011
Alliance Comms log, YC113.04.17
Channel ID: (('allianceid', 701459600),)
Channel Name: Alliance
Listener: V. "Stitcher" Hakatain PilotID:267169
Session started: YC113.04.17 11:22:58
---------------------------------------------------------------
[ 113.04.17 12:39:53 ] Elsebeth Rhiannon > ... Hakatain.
[ 113.04.17 12:40:13 ] Elsebeth Rhiannon > No offense, but what in an Amarrian hell are you doing on my alliance chat?
[ 113.04.17 12:41:24 ] Stitcher > the commcode came with my corporate jacket, locker key and monogrammed pen.
[ 113.04.17 12:41:47 ] Elsebeth Rhiannon > So.
[ 113.04.17 12:42:06 ] Elsebeth Rhiannon > All we are missing now is admiral Blake.
[ 113.04.17 12:43:14 ] Stitcher > I think you're wildly misinterpreting my beliefs and personal politics if you're comparing me to him.
[ 113.04.17 12:43:53 ] Elsebeth Rhiannon > Merely my surprise of seeing you here. I respect loyalty, even if it is for the enemy.
[ 113.04.17 12:45:40 ] Stitcher > I've never considered myself an enemy of the Minmatar. quite the reverse in fact.
[ 113.04.17 12:45:53 ] Elsebeth Rhiannon > Indeed.
[ 113.04.17 12:46:11 ] Elsebeth Rhiannon > That's another thing you have in common with Blake, I guess.
[ 113.04.17 12:46:53 ] Stitcher > Hah! Ooh, that was barbed.
[ 113.04.17 12:47:07 ] Elsebeth Rhiannon > Was too good an opening to be missed.
[ 113.04.17 12:47:24 ] Stitcher > yep. round one goes to you.
[ 113.04.17 12:47:57 ] Elsebeth Rhiannon > Welcome, then. You will excuse me if I remain sceptical for a while.
[ 113.04.17 12:48:48 ] Stitcher > Sure.
[ 113.04.17 12:50:10 ] Stitcher > I'm not here to prove anything or change anything. I'm here because a friend invited me, and because I want to learn.
[ 113.04.17 12:50:33 ] Elsebeth Rhiannon > Learn what? To use for what purpose?
[ 113.04.17 12:52:05 ] Elsebeth Rhiannon > I should probably stress that you have no obligation to answer, nor to do so in public; I am not in your chain of command.
[ 113.04.17 12:52:31 ] Elsebeth Rhiannon > Merely curious for my own reasons.
[ 113.04.17 12:52:46 ] Stitcher > I want to be a better person, and I want to make the State a better place. I can't do that without getting an outside perspective.
[ 113.04.17 12:52:54 ] Elsebeth Rhiannon > Hmh.
[ 113.04.17 12:53:31 ] Elsebeth Rhiannon > I am not sure I am comfortable of EM being a training academy for State loyalists.
[ 113.04.17 12:55:00 ] Elsebeth Rhiannon > Though I can see the upside of affecting where the State goes, obviously.
[ 113.04.17 12:55:01 ] Stitcher > it's not about "training". It's... about getting a different point of view. seeing what the mountain looks like when you're not living on its' slopes.
[ 113.04.17 13:00:14 ] Stitcher > probably sounds like Fedo stink, right?
[ 113.04.17 13:02:38 ] Elsebeth Rhiannon > Well, yes and no. As in, no, you are not getting secure information access if I have any say in it, but yes, I can see how this would be useful.
[ 113.04.17 13:02:54 ] Elsebeth Rhiannon > Wish you luck seeing the mountain for what it is.
[ 113.04.17 13:03:57 ] Stitcher > I certainly hope to.
[ 113.04.17 13:04:45 ] Elsebeth Rhiannon > Then maybe you will stay. Though I have to say, yesterday I'd have rated the chances that you defect to about equal to myself or Blake doing the same, and I still don't rate it very high.
[ 113.04.17 13:05:23 ] Stitcher > and you're quite right, I haven't.
[ 113.04.17 13:05:43 ] Stitcher > but you and I have different ideas about what my loyalty to my people and homeland mean.
[ 113.04.17 13:07:00 ] Elsebeth Rhiannon > Maybe.
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Session ended: YC113.04.17 13:55:09
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