The last few days have done one thing wonderful for me - they've reminded me that I have a history.
Five years isn't exactly a short space of time, and the lives of capsuleers are hectic. I have to think hard to recall all the places I've been, all the things I've done, all the people I've known and my relationships with them all.
Of course there would be EM pilots who'd react to me - a former STPRO pilot and vocal State loyalist - being a member of their alliance with surprise, alarm and suspicion. Most of them don't know me and the few who do quite probably know me as an old enemy.
They don't know (or at least don't believe) that there's no conflict between my being here and my being loyal to the State. They think that by being here "to learn" I mean I'm gathering intel on their strategy, their tactics, their pilots and ships. But all I want is to get a glimpse - just a tiny, shred-of-blue-sky-through-the-rainclouds glimpse - of what it's like to be Minmatar.
Even if only for a fraction of a second, I want to experience something other than a Caldari perspective, so that I can look back and understand what it means to be Caldari all the clearer.