Sunday, 30 October 2011

Journal: 113.10.30

Eighty million ISK-worth of muscle boosting, metal bone lacing, quickdraw cyberware and all-round enhancements calculated to turn that clone into a superhuman combat machine, and the paskiainen still gave me quite the fight.

Good to see there's somebody in space who can actually back up their attitude when the chips are down. Even if he is a total kusipaa.

Even if my ego is a little bruised that I didn't beat him flat in the first five seconds. Reckon I'd have been taken to the cleaners without the combat clone. I have plenty left to learn, it seems.

Save. End.


Of course, there's some people you can't beat sense into even if you smack them around every half hour for a month...

Save. End.

Friday, 28 October 2011

Journal: 113.10.28

Verin Hakatain.

Just Hakatain. Nearly three years on, and skipping the "Tarn" still feels wrong. Of course, I spent more than fourty years using that name, and only the last two years and ten months without it.

Re-reading the IGS discussion that announcing the disowning provoked, it's hard to reconcile the duty-bound, tradition-bound, hide-bound man who took that ritual to today's Verin Hakatain, or today's Sinikka Hakatain. I can look back on it and see how... narrow and stiff my thinking was at the time. I carried out the ritual because it was expected. Because tradition demanded it. There was none of the same... I suppose intellectualism. Nowadays when I make a decision, I think about it. I think about my thoughts. Metacognition is a relatively new part of the way I think, but possibly the most profound and important. I no longer just act, then explore my motives afterwards.

The universe has taught me that lesson, at least.

Would I still have taken that ritual, today? Just... cast away a relative, a part of my name, and much of my soul on a point of honour? Even after a deep exploration of my motives for doing so, would I really be able to let one set of emotions override another?

I think I would.

I think that for all that I've changed... I've also stayed the same. I come to the same places by different roads.

Save. End.

Monday, 24 October 2011

Journal: 113.10.24

I have GOT to start reining in my tendency to be inappropriately flippant.

Save. End.

Wednesday, 19 October 2011

Journal: 113.10.19

A month is, it has to be said, a long time to go without updating this thing.

But then again, there's been no news worth mentioning. It's been a month without anything particularly interesting happening. Even the wardec we've had this past week doesn't count because the five-person corporation who declared it seem to have no interest in fighting, even two against one.

About the only thing of note is that Meera and Sinikka still aren't talking to each other, which makes this officially the longest squabble ever. Meera's barely talking to me either, which is unusual. Before now I've always been the mediator they both go to.

I think the problem this time is that we're both capsuleers. Though she won't say as much. Our father passed away, and now both her remaining siblings are "immortals". I guess she doesn't want to be left behind.

She won't be, of course. But she needs convincing of it, somehow...

Save. End.