Wednesday, 13 October 2010

Journal: 112.10.13

I didn't clone jump back down to Fountain last night. Woke up in a VIP suite on the Impro factory in Goinard after a night in the Last Gate. by the smell of my clothes and the pain in my head when I woke up, I had a bottle of vodka all to myself. Thank the ancestors for hot showers, painkillers and complimentary laundering.

And now I can't remember the password to the old journal, can't find it archived anywhere.... and even if I could, the last entry was in May, when ForgeTech was still active, before Nicole and I got married, and before I spent a few months working for LDIS before buying off my contract and retreating back out to nullsec. Time for a fresh start I guess.

Last night proved something to me at least - I need to start doing things if I want to avoid going insane. Things like giving my advice on other people's problems to help throw mine into perspective. Things like voicing my problems, even if it's just to a machine. I've done insanity, I don't want to go back there, and keeping what's worrying me bottled up is just going to lead back down that road.

Which is the bigger issue, I wonder? "My kid sister who's too young to be cloned flew a ship solo into lowsec and is really mad at me" or "I haven't seen or heard from my wife in three months"? I mean, at least Cia's ordeal is over. No disaster, no permanent harm done - At least Camille's there to work things out with. To tell off, to talk to, to just hold. But Nicole's a big girl, and a capsuleer. Even if the worst has happened, I will see her again even if it's just to be there and hand her a towel as she steps confused out of a CRU. Her last scan that I know of was the day we came back from the honeymoon.

I don't know how I feel about that, though. I mean, we're both body-hoppers, but we've never been in two at the same time. What would she think if she came back and found me happily asleep with her own clone. What would she do? What would WE do?

...Time to jump back to V6. I need distractions right now. Distractions like "There are ninety hostile pilots coming, everybody fleet up and prepare to kill and get killed". It's funny how I turn to battle and destruction when I'm seeking emotional peace.

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