Nicole and I don't see much of each other at the moment. We're both busy people, looking after our obligations.
When I went home last night though, she was still up. She had a cup of tea waiting for me. She didn't notice me come in at first, though. She was reading a report of some kind to keep herself awake, obviously tired.
I have no idea how it happened. If it was just being in the right mood at the right time. If it was that simple gesture of patience - she was so tired, but she still stayed up to see me. It made me realize something. I wasn't avoiding letting her know how I felt out of cowardice.
I was doing it because I love her too much to hurt her like that. The idea of saying "I don't love you" to her felt so wrong because I DO. It's a changed love, confused by painful months of absence, but not a wrong one. I'm an idiot for not realizing it sooner.
Only my Rakkai could get me that tangled up in my head. Only my Rakkai could sort me out without even knowing I was wrong in the first place. I bet she has no idea why I decided to sneak in the room and give her a squeeze from behind after weeks of being a little distant.
But I think she appreciated it.
Save. End.
Wednesday, 30 March 2011
Tuesday, 29 March 2011
Journal: 113.03.29
Jita Market Escrow Logs, YC113.03.29
113.03.29 01:23 - Oxygen - 192.95 ISK - 2,650 - -511,317.50 ISK
113.03.29 01:23 - Oxygen - 192.95 ISK - 5,350 - -1,032,232.50 ISK
113.03.29 01:23 - Bacteria - 133.35 ISK - 5,643 - -752,494 ISK
113.03.29 01:23 - Bacteria - 133.35 ISK - 18,357 - -2,447,905.95 ISK
113.03.29 01:23 - Biofuels - 111.98 ISK - 2,192 - -245,460.16 ISK
113.03.29 01:23 - Biofuels - 111.98 ISK - 4,548 - -509,285.04 ISK
113.03.29 01:23 - Biofuels - 111.98 ISK - 1,260 - -141,094.80 ISK
113.03.29 01:22 - Proteins - 309.99 ISK - 15,539 - -4,816,934.61 ISK
113.03.29 01:22 - Proteins - 309.99 ISK - 461 - -142,905.39 ISK
113.03.29 01:22 - Chiral Structures - 567.98 ISK - 80 - -45,438.40 ISK
113.03.29 01:22 - Chiral Structures - 567.98 ISK - 7,920 - -4,498,401.60 ISK
113.03.29 01:21 - Toxic Metals - 349.87 ISK - 15,717 - -5,498,906.79 ISK
113.03.29 01:21 - Toxic Metals - 349.87 ISK - 283 - -99,013.21 ISK
113.03.29 01:21 - Electrolytes - 517.00 ISK - 9,180 - -4,746,060.00 ISK
113.03.29 01:21 - Electrolytes - 517.00 ISK - 6,820 - -3,525,940.00 ISK
113.03.29 01:21 - Reactive Metals - 336.80 ISK - 250 - -84,200.00 ISK
113.03.29 01:21 - Reactive Metals - 336.80 ISK - 2,500 - -842,000.00 ISK
113.03.29 01:21 - Reactive Metals - 336.80 ISK - 17,730 - -5,971,464.00 ISK
113.03.29 01:21 - Reactive Metals - 336.80 ISK - 10,000 - -3,368,000.00 ISK
113.03.29 01:21 - Reactive Metals - 336.80 ISK - 1,520 - -511,317.50 ISK
113.03.29 01:19 - Water - 300.00 ISK - 16,000 - -4,800,000.00 ISK
Total: -44,590,371.45 ISK
Planetary Import Tax, Korama System Local Authority: -46,260 ISK
Planetary Export Tax, Korama System Local Authority: -37,800 ISK
Supplies sufficient to Manufacture: Wetware Mainframe x100 units
Lonetrek regional average price on Wetware Mainframe: 963,880.67 ISK
Estimate gross profit: 96,388,067.00 ISK
Estimated net profit: 51,713,635.55 ISK
...Good.
Save. End.
Monday, 28 March 2011
Journal: 113.03.28
Turns out that every time my people dirtside in Korama build a wetware mainframe, I'm shipping in one hundred and twenty-one point six cubic meters of water per unit built.
Given that a wetware mainframe is a neat hundred cubic meters, I think maybe I should have a word with my foremen about production efficiency.
Although I am amused that wetware mainframes live up to their name in such a dramatic fashion...
Save. End.
Given that a wetware mainframe is a neat hundred cubic meters, I think maybe I should have a word with my foremen about production efficiency.
Although I am amused that wetware mainframes live up to their name in such a dramatic fashion...
Save. End.
Friday, 25 March 2011
Journal: 113.03.25
Sinikka sent me this. It's from Lady Vesta's soliloquy in "The Three Dawns".
Uoka hilaa muutisheno hak ukeirot.
Vilitu hui itsu kiriit raka muuti
Uka iao haki.
Haki dai iao uka.
Haki raka sho.
Nei dotietoshi iaani uka
Rukkuya nei.
Oddly, it describes how I feel perfectly, but for very different reasons. Funny how the same words can fit almost totally opposite emotions so well.
Save. End.
Save. End.
Friday, 18 March 2011
Journal: 112.03.18
I have to take care to stay balanced, not to focus too hard on Sansha's Nation.
What I'm doing is important. I'm saving lives, euthanizing the ones who can't be saved, making the world, by degrees, a place that people can live in without fear. The people of New Eden are wary of capsuleers, but we're their shield, their umbrella against the rain. hopefully, they'll come to see that we're not monsters - we're just very, very human.
But I'm having to make a conscious effort to avoid fixating on the fight. I spend every minute of my time in the capsule either flying to the nearest invaded constellation, or fighting to liberate it. I spend time in the labs examining Sansha nanotechnology, looking for counters to it, or at least some insight into its' creators admittable genius.
I'm in danger of becoming a different kind of slave to Sansha - one enslaved to his opposition, rather than his will.
And I'm in danger of neglecting the people I love.
...And the people I'm not sure I do love any longer.
Save. end.
What I'm doing is important. I'm saving lives, euthanizing the ones who can't be saved, making the world, by degrees, a place that people can live in without fear. The people of New Eden are wary of capsuleers, but we're their shield, their umbrella against the rain. hopefully, they'll come to see that we're not monsters - we're just very, very human.
But I'm having to make a conscious effort to avoid fixating on the fight. I spend every minute of my time in the capsule either flying to the nearest invaded constellation, or fighting to liberate it. I spend time in the labs examining Sansha nanotechnology, looking for counters to it, or at least some insight into its' creators admittable genius.
I'm in danger of becoming a different kind of slave to Sansha - one enslaved to his opposition, rather than his will.
And I'm in danger of neglecting the people I love.
...And the people I'm not sure I do love any longer.
Save. end.
Wednesday, 16 March 2011
Journal: 113.03.16
I think sometimes my crew forget that I can hear every word they're saying.
Possibly because I never bother to tell them.
Save. End.
Possibly because I never bother to tell them.
Save. End.
Wednesday, 2 March 2011
Security Monitoring: HDH office, YC113.03.02
<Security record: 13:43 113.03.02 (EST)>
<Venue: HDH Ltd. compound, Korama III - Moon 8 - Ishukone Corporation Factory>
<Suite: Pilot V. Hakatain office>
Speakers in order of appearance in record
<Speaker: Jasto Inkaina, HDH security>
<Speaker: Verin Hakatain, Pilot>
<Speaker: Jasto Inkaina, HDH security>
<Speaker: Verin Hakatain, Pilot>
<Speaker: Milo Traikan, Civilian>
<Recording begins>
JI <comms>: Pilot?
VH: Go ahead.
JI: Sir, there's a gentleman in the lobby demanding to talk to your sister. Name of Traikan.
VH: I see. Escort him to my office please.
JI: Sir.
<Skip forward: 2m17s>
<Door chime>
VH: Come in.
JI: Milo Traikan to see you sir.
VH: Thanks Jasto. wait outside please.
JI: Sir.
MT: You're Meera's brother? You look old enough to be her dad.
VH: You shouldn't be here.
MT: Don't fucking presume to tell me where I shouldn't be! I'm not here to see you, asshole, I'm here to see her.
VH: And she doesn't want to see you. She's asked me to make sure that she doesn't, in fact.
MT: I have a right to talk to her.
VH: This is a Hakatain office, in the Hakatain building, owned by the Hakatain family corporation. If my sister decides she doesn't want to see you, then it's HER right to refuse.
MT: Fuck that. I wanna see her right now, and don't think just because you're her brother you can stop me.
VH: I wasn't. I'm thinking I can stop you because I earn more in five minutes than you will in a lifetime.
MT: ...the fuck's that supposed to mean?
VH: See that mirror behind me? Look at the back of my neck.
MT: Yeah, so, you're an egger. You think I'm scared?
VH: You're an inch away from pissing yourself, but covering it with bravado. You know damn well that I could shoot you right now and get away with it.
<VH stands and MT takes a step back>
VH: But I'm not that kind of pilot. So, let's come to an arrangement.
MT: ...arrangement?
VH: Sure. I give you.... let's say ten thousand ISK? Right here and now. You move to some other station on the opposite side of the State, and my sister never hears from you again.
MT: What's the catch?
VH: No catch, but if you break either one of those two very simple terms, I'll have you mucking out the Fedos on an Amarrian slave barge inside a week.
MT: ...Deal.
VH: Okay.
<VH punches MT in the face, hard. MT staggers across the room, face bloody>
VH: And that's for being the kind of prick who'd abandon a woman for money.
MT: You... fuck...
VH: You'll find the money is already in your account. Jasto?
<JI opens the door>
JI: Sir?
VH: Escort this man from the building, please.
MT: I'll sue! you hear me? I'll take you for every scrip you have!
VH: Good luck with that. Jasto?
JI: Sir. This way please, Mr. Traikan.
<record ends>
Tuesday, 1 March 2011
Journal: 113.03.01
Plugged in today and, like usual, checked the DED Incursion report.
There were two - both in Nullsec. one in RED Alliance space, and from watching those reports they honestly don't give a damn about Incursions in their turf - guess they view it as a free cynosural field jammer or something - and the other in Angel Cartel territory.
Which is all good of course. Shows we're doing our jobs keeping the bastards out of highsec and the lowsec colonies. But it made me wonder about the so-called "pirate" empires. the Angels, the Serpentis, the Guristas, they've all got millions or even billions of people under their flag.
Pain in the ass though they may be, I kind of feel like I should be helping them out too. Nobody deserves True Slavery.
But I wonder especially about the Guristas. They're on good terms with the Nation. Sansha even offered the Kyokonoke infection to The Rabbit, via Verone. Glad V declined to broker that transaction, seeing as there was no proof that Sansha was handing over ALL of his stockpile of the plague.
I wonder what would happen if Sansha's Nation staged an incursion in Venal? Is Kuvakei insane enough to piss off The Rabbit? Because if there's somebody I really wouldn't want being personally mad at me, it's Korako Kosakemi.
Food for thought. If it happens, I may have to talk to Verone, get his take on matters.
Save. End.
There were two - both in Nullsec. one in RED Alliance space, and from watching those reports they honestly don't give a damn about Incursions in their turf - guess they view it as a free cynosural field jammer or something - and the other in Angel Cartel territory.
Which is all good of course. Shows we're doing our jobs keeping the bastards out of highsec and the lowsec colonies. But it made me wonder about the so-called "pirate" empires. the Angels, the Serpentis, the Guristas, they've all got millions or even billions of people under their flag.
Pain in the ass though they may be, I kind of feel like I should be helping them out too. Nobody deserves True Slavery.
But I wonder especially about the Guristas. They're on good terms with the Nation. Sansha even offered the Kyokonoke infection to The Rabbit, via Verone. Glad V declined to broker that transaction, seeing as there was no proof that Sansha was handing over ALL of his stockpile of the plague.
I wonder what would happen if Sansha's Nation staged an incursion in Venal? Is Kuvakei insane enough to piss off The Rabbit? Because if there's somebody I really wouldn't want being personally mad at me, it's Korako Kosakemi.
Food for thought. If it happens, I may have to talk to Verone, get his take on matters.
Save. End.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)